How to Interview a Parent About Their Life

You may know your parent very well and still not know how they spent their twenties, what their first apartment looked like or what they were afraid of at sixteen. Interviewing a parent about their life is a way to learn those things, and it can also be a pleasant way to spend an afternoon together.

The word “interview” can sound formal. It does not have to be. It simply means asking questions with the intention to listen. This guide walks through a simple approach you can adapt to your own family.

1. Ask first, and make it easy to say no

Start with an invitation rather than a surprise. You might say, “I would love to hear more about your life. Could we spend an hour on it this weekend?”

Some parents are delighted. Others feel shy, or think their life was not interesting enough. A short, kind explanation helps: “I am not looking for a perfect story. I would just like to know you better.”

If they say no, or “not now,” accept that. You can offer again later, or offer a different format, such as writing instead of talking. The choice should stay with them.

2. Choose a format that suits them

There is more than one way to do this.

• A conversation at home. Tea, a quiet room, no rush.
• A phone or video call. Good when you live far apart.
• A walk. Some people talk more easily when they are moving.
• Writing. A parent who dislikes being questioned face to face may enjoy answering one question at a time over several weeks.

Neither format is better than another. Pick the one where your parent is most at ease.

3. Prepare a short list, not a script

Choose eight to ten questions and put the easiest first. Good openers are concrete: “Where did you grow up, and what was the house like?” or “What games did you play as a child?” For more ideas, see our list of questions to ask your grandparents.

Mix themes so the conversation has a shape: childhood, family, school, first jobs, places, friendships, and a few lighter questions such as “What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?”

Keep a small number of reflective questions for the end, like “What are you most grateful for?” They tend to work better once your parent is relaxed.

4. Handle sensitive subjects with care

A life story includes difficult chapters: illness, money worries, losses, relationships that ended. You do not have to avoid them, but you should not push.

• Let your parent bring up hard subjects themselves.
• If you want to invite a harder memory, ask openly: “Would you like to tell me about that, or would you rather skip it?”
• If a question makes them quiet, change the subject and come back to it only if they want.
• Do not ask about other people’s health, finances or private lives. Those stories belong to those people.

If a conversation stirs up strong feelings, pause. Nothing in a life-story interview is urgent.

5. Listen more than you talk

It is tempting to fill silences. Try not to. After your parent finishes a sentence, wait a few extra seconds. Often the most interesting part follows.

Some simple follow-ups keep stories going:

• “What happened next?”
• “What did it look like?”
• “How did you feel at the time?”
• “Who else was there?”
• “Can you tell me more about that?”

These open questions are better than yes-or-no questions. They also show that you are interested, which matters more than any technique.

6. Do not correct, argue or fact-check on the spot

Memory is not a record. A parent may mix up a year, merge two events or tell a story differently from how you remember it. During the interview, let it be. The goal is to hear how they remember their life, not to audit it.

If a detail really matters, you can check it later with a calm question, such as a photograph or a document.

7. Record or note, with permission

If you want to record audio, ask first, and tell them how you plan to use the recording. Many people relax once they know they can stop it at any moment. If they prefer not to be recorded, take notes by hand and read a few lines back at the end so that they can correct anything.

Keep a record of the date and the questions asked. A line or two after each session is enough.

8. Keep sessions short

Forty-five minutes to an hour is plenty. Stop while there is still energy, and plan another session. Several short conversations tend to give better stories than one long one.

9. Decide together what happens to the stories

Before you finish, say what you intend to do with what you have heard. It may be a private notebook, a family folder or a small book. Ask whether there is anything your parent would like left out. Their answer should be respected, even if you think a story is wonderful.

If you plan to share the stories with relatives, check with your parent first. Names and details of people who are still alive deserve the same care.

Fictional example

This short exchange is fictional and only shows the style of a good follow-up.

“What did you do in the evenings when you were young?” “We mostly sat on the porch and listened to the radio.” “What was the radio like? Do you remember a program you liked?” “A big wooden box. My father liked the news, but I waited for the music at nine.”

One small question about the radio opened a clear picture of a family evening.

If you’d like help

Some parents answer more freely when they can take their time and write in private. Some adult children simply do not live nearby or have a free hour.

Storykindly can send the questions by email. You choose a book and a start date. Your parent receives a question every two or three days and writes the answer on a private web page, with no account and no app. Each answer is lightly edited with AI from their own words. They approve every chapter and the final book, which arrives as a PDF. You see progress, not answers, unless they choose to share.

• Mini: 10 questions, €29, VAT included
• Standard: 20 questions, €49, VAT included

It is a one-time payment, with no subscription. Your parent can say “No thanks” when the invitation arrives, and you get a full refund. They can also skip questions or leave any answer out.

See how Storykindly works

Whatever you choose, a short, kind conversation is a good place to begin.